“Past & Presents” is a collaborative photo project where I explore gifts that have been given to me in the past by people whom I have lied to, victimize, emotionally abused and exploited. I don’t know how to articulate that I am sorry with every inch of my being, but I do know how to use a camera, so for right now art will be my voice. SF
The Present – A wonderful carefully crafted pair of mittens given to me by a talented artist that I only had the honour of knowing for a short time. A person who puts their soul into the work they do, these mittens were made for a hero, they were made for someone that she believed was noble, selfless and brave. They were given to a person who is arrogant, selfish and a coward.
The lies– I never told you anything that was real. I had you believe I was an important part of the first responders, that my time in Fort McMurray had been tragic and trying. I plagiarized photographs to make myself feel important, to try to show you I belonged, to try to impress you, I acted like a child. I took advantage of your loss and exploited your emotional scars for my own benefit. I only knew you for a short time and in that time I inflicted maximum damage on to your life.
The truth – I am not a hero, I am a mediocre photographer and I do not possess any of the talent that I lead you to believe I had. You met me at my worst, and you gave me your best. You welcomed me into your home; you made me feel like I had a place in my community, you shared your art, your soul, your struggles and your beautiful family with me. In return I gave you lies, fear, and anger.
I admire you for your success, for your confidence and for your passion. I wish I could have met you later in life when I had the skills to have a real relationship because you are strong, wise and willing to teach those around you. I am so sorry for dragging you into the darkness of my mental illness.
I humbly ask for your forgiveness, but I have committed the worst crime an artist can commit and I do no expect nor deserve your mercy.