Past and Presents - The Greatest Friend
The Present – A singing card given to me by my oldest friend, my first roommate and the first person I really felt comfortable around. We had a tendency of doing things for our birthdays rather than giving gifts; as we got older we abandon gifts all together and just enjoyed each other’s company. We travelled, went overseas, drove hours to go to a pancake house in the next province, went camping, ate sushi and the giver was a random, easy going fun person to be around. The irony that is dripping off of this card weighs heavily on me.
The lies – I told you I had boyfriend, I had been in relationships, that I was a hero, that my family was unkind, I made you feel like you were not good enough, I made you feel like you didn’t matter, like you were just another person. I never came out of the closet to you, I never showed you my true self and I lied about everything to get attention.
The Truth – I was in love with you. I have loved you since I first saw you years ago; you are the most beautiful most perfect human in my life. I have many regrets but the way I treated you when I moved away is something I wish I could go back and change. There was never a day I didn’t think of you when I lived in Fort McMurray and I wish I could explain why I treated you so terribly, why I didn’t call you everyday, why I never told you that you are perfect exactly as you are.
I wish you all the best in life; I know you will have a beautiful family with children who will be so blessed to have you as their mother. I know you will go on to do amazing things and I know that I am a better person for having met you. I am so sorry for all of the hurt, all of the arrogance and for how negligent I was with your feelings. I beg for your forgiveness, I do not deserve it and I am not worthy of receiving it.