At some point I would like to take pictures of peoples hands that have helped me through this growth process as an ongoing photography project. My photography collaborators took pictures of my hands as a starting point and looking at that picture today really made me think. This week has been hard. People I really respect have called me out on some behavior that I need to look at. Specifically, what is this blog really about? Is this a way for me to garner attention? Is this my way of going back to my old habits of sensationalizing my life in order to get what I want? The truth is that I don’t know if it is, but it might be and that scares me.
I enjoy the conversations that have come out of the blog, the people I have reconnected with and the support network that I am starting to establish. The truth is that I do want to reconnect with people I have lost. I want to tell my oldest friends that I am sorry and that while so many things about me were fake the feelings and the friendship was real. I want to ask for forgiveness.
So, I am taking stock. I’m not going to take a break from writing; just from publishing it online to make sure I am not diving back into my old habits.
I need to remember that while so many people are supporting me and keeping me on the right track, its is my hands and my responsibility to make sure I stay moving in the right direction