Finding my Voice

I am so happy to say that some of my writing has been published in the Pride Guide as part of Edmonton’s Pride Festival. The theme is year is One Pride, Many Voices. I feel that over the last 6 months I have started to discover my honest voice, my true self and I am starting to be comfortable with who I am. Below is the article, but please pick up a Pride Guide and attend the Pride Festivities in Edmonton!

The Honest Voice 

I use to have many voices. I would lie about my sexuality, I would lie to protect my emotions, I would pretend to be other people, and I would fake my way into relationships. My many voices have hurt people in unimaginable ways.

I am profoundly sorry. I am sorry for not being my authentic self, I am sorry for hurting those around me, I am sorry that I never realized that I had a community of people who would support me for who I am. I am sorry I underestimated the love and kindness of my family.

What I didn’t realize is when I lied about my sexuality; I was lying about the core of my being. I became a closeted lying lesbian, and lying became my tool for coping with all stress in my life. I built elaborate lies because I felt inadequate, I felt I never measured up, I felt I needed to be better, and most of all, I never felt like I was enough.

But, I am enough. I am worthy of love just the way I am, I don’t need many voices to prove that I am a good person, I needed to find my one voice. I found that voice by stepping out of the closet; I found my voice by owning up to the lies and the hurt that I had caused. My journey to my one voice is littered with unnecessary destruction, and I sincerely regret that.

But, I am not sorry that I am lesbian, I am proud of my sexual orientation. I am proud that I have the ability to share my love with others.  I am proud that I finally found my one voice, my honest voice.