One year later

A year ago I took off on my friends and family. Sitting in front of my computer this evening I thought I would have some insight, some small piece of “this is why I acted the way I did” but I don’t. I can’t explain my actions.

I’m just angry. I’m angry for all of the time I wasted trying to be something I’m not. I’m angry for all of the people I’ve hurt, the missed opportunities, and broken relationship. I’m angry that I thought I could reason my way out of this crazy world of nonsense. I’m angry I have a mental illness. I hate it. Yes, I am lucky, I got help, I have for the most part recovered and I am discovering the wonders of the world. But If I could change one thing about myself, I would take away my mental illness.

I am looking at 2018 with a lot of promise, and more opportunity that I thought I would have but looking back is just painful. It’s a mess. It is not something I would wish on anyone.

So one year later, I am planning a day to my dog, my cat and myself.  Nothing fancy, no attention seeking like last year, or trying to be something I am not, nothing impulsive or hurtful.

I plan to have waffles for breakfast. I think you should too.